


Worries of Identity

by SparkClouds (SpookZone)



Category: Homestuck, Vast Error
Genre: Canon Autistic Character, Canon Trans Character, Gender Dysphoria, Nonbinary Character, Other, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Trans Dismas, Trans Female Character, Trans Jentha, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:28:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24288916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpookZone/pseuds/SparkClouds
Summary: A young Jentha Briati has a few realizations about herself and decides that a talk with the one she deems closest is the right course of action.
Relationships: Dismas Mersiv/Murrit Turkin (Mentioned), Jentha Briati/Dismas Mersiv
Comments: 5
Kudos: 66





	Worries of Identity

**Author's Note:**

> Hey this was a short vent fic that I wrote a while ago and finished recently, hope you enjoy it. 
> 
> Updated with a new workskin.

You sit with your head in your hands. He’d understand, right? Surely. You place a hand to your cheek and run a few fingers over the hints of stubble before cringing and collapsing on the ground in frustration. You feel so gross, grosser than you usually do, which is saying a lot. You look towards the mirror and shake your head. This has to be why you’ve been feeling bad your whole life, right? There just can’t be any other reason! Well, besides the 50 other ones you can think of.

You’d usually go to him in times like this, but you’re not sure if that’s the correct course of action today. You drag yourself up and kick the size of a box at full force, recoiling and falling backwards with your foot in your hand. What were you thinking? Anyhow, you manage to knock it open and send its contents over rolling the floor. It was mostly things that you’ve left unopened from Dismas’ last visit. Well, at least it wasn’t something that could break or spill easily. An assortment of fruits and vegetables roll down the flaps. Hot dogs are your favorite from those, but I guess he didn’t bring any this time. How boring. You gather that he just grabbed some of these at random from one of the nearest strongholds, the packaging for most of it was so… weird to touch. You never liked the flimsy plastic packaging and the texture always made you cringe. Gross. 

You glare at a tin of The Spongebob Movie™ brand Alphabet Soup™ and toss it to the side for later, you swear that that specific brand went out of stock sweeps ago, crazy how fan favorites come back upon the 4D Virtual Reality Experience Re-Release of The Spongebob Movie™ with Lost (but Found) Cut Footage and new Voice-Overs only in select IMAX Theaters in Strongholds 2-15! You think technological advances are becoming too quick for you to keep up, you prefer the original release anyway. It kinda got stale once they added all the CGI that gave you low-key sensory overload and completely ruined a classic, it’s fortunate you own the original release on DVD. 

  
  


\-- **furbishFacilitated [FF]** began trolling **gigantisDebilitation [GD]** \--

**FF: h hey**

**FF: i dunno if y youre there or not i know she can be a f f fucking terrible piece of shit who deserves to l launch himself off the n nearest diving board into t the ocean**

**FF: thats a j joke**

**FF: they are annoying though**

**GD: I’m here///**

**GD: Wh/\t’s up?**

**FF: uh w w well**

**FF: you know h how when y y you were younger you f felt like you d didnt really fit in**

**GD: Well, yeah, I’ve /\lw/\ys found myself frustr/\ted with the cards I’\/e been de/\lt///**

**GD: Somewh/\t liter/\lly, in his c/\se ///**

**GD: C/\n't say I h/\te everything /\bout everything to do with th/\t, though ///**

**FF: y yeah i dont know if i really f feel myself anymore**

**FF: ugh**

**FF: i d dont know whats wrong with m m me**

**FF: im a disaster i d dont know h how you keep m managing to c c c care for me**

**GD: Hey, Jenth/\\. If I didn’t c/\re for you I wouldn’t keep trying to keep you s/\fe /\nd h/\ppy ///**

**GD: It’s entirely f/\ir to be frust/\ted with yourself. I feel the s/\me way sometimes ///**

**FF: n no its not like that**

**FF: y you know how youre a b boy**

**GD: I suppose in the loosest definition of the word, ye/\h///**

**FF: i i dont really f feel like t that**

**FF: i g g g guess**

**FF: i ive been talking to**

**FF: h her**

**GD: I’m /\ssuming I’m meant to m/\ke some g/\nder /\t /\ guess /\s to who th/\t is?**

**FF: w well i dont really talk to anyone else besides y you a and murrit a and h her sometimes**

**FF: dq**

**GD: Oh, right, I should've re/\lized th/\t ///**

**GD: So, wh/\t's up, Jenth/\? You c/\n t/\lk to me /\bout /\nything, you know th/\t///**

**FF: uhh**

**FF: ugh**

**FF: well y yeah i d do know that**

**FF: dont m make fun of me for this p please**

**FF: it r really kinda sucks**

**FF: i t think im a g g g g girl**

**FF: but l like i dont know r really**

**FF: i im so confused and it sucks and i h hate it**

A few droplets of sweat roll down your forehead and you bury your head in frustration into a nearby pillow, grunting into it and sighing. You had been growing your hair out for a little while and it just makes you feel so good! You saw a pair of circular red glasses the other wice that are to just die for. Gender has always been a point of hurt for you and finally getting your thoughts out there is like a huge weight off your chest. You notice Dismas hasn’t replied for a few moments and you feel your heart drop. Is he upset? Surely he isn’t, right? He was the same way, he was just like you! Well, more like in the opposite way but also in the same way, you aren’t exactly how to put it.

**GD: Oh ///**

**GD: I should’\/e guessed th/\t if you were t/\lking to her ///**

**FF: a are**

**FF: a are you m m m mad at m me**

**FF: im sorry ill go b back to my hole and c continue being a u useless g gremlin**

**GD: Jenth/\\!//**

**GD: Rel/\x, I’m not e\/en close to being m/\d at you///**

**FF: youre n not**

**FF: o oh**

**GD: I’m proud of you, Jenth/\ ///**

**GD: I’m gl/\d you h/\d the cour/\ge to spe/\k to me /\bout this ///**

**GD: /\nd hey, I’m simil/\r to you, I’m tr/\ns as well, you know th/\t ///**

**GD: Wh/\t reason would I h/\\\/e to be m/\d /\t you? ///**

**FF: uh**

**FF: ugh**

**FF: i d dont know im s sorry**

**GD: Don’t /\pologize, Jenth/\ ///**

**FF: i just dont know what i feel like anymore**

**FF: i i feel like a g girl b but also i dont feel like a anything at a all**

**FF: i im sorry this is s stupid**

**FF: i k kinda see turnin and im like**

**FF: w wow i wanna be like them but im n not even close to being l like them at a all**

**GD: Rel/\x, Jenth/\ ///**

**GD: You c/\n be wh/\tever you feel the h/\ppiest with /\nd wh/\t you think suits you best ///**

**FF: r r r r really**

**GD: Of course! ///**

You let out a quiet sigh of relief, putting a hand to your face and sighing. You feel gross and weird with the boyish hair on your face but also knowing you can be whatever you felt the most comfortable with is almost… freeing! You feel eager about it in the most eager ways and you stare down at yourself and sigh. 

**FF: it just h hurts i guess**

**FF: not b being able to see myself as what i i want to be**

**GD: Hey, I’m the s/\me w/\y, I know the feeling ///**

**GD: I’m here for you, /\nd I know you’re here for me /\s well ///**

**FF: y yeah**

**FF: y youre great**

**GD: You /\re, too, I'm proud of you, I /\lways will be ///**


End file.
